Incoming clients of mine often believe they aren’t receiving enough in their relationships: appreciation, support, encouragement, physical intimacy, etc. While they may be experiencing some of these problems, it’s important to understand the difference between the external symptom and the root problem. To unravel the knot, we first start with auditing the relationship.
An audit?
In a relationship?
Absolutely.
Here’s the thing: If we had a problem in our business or career, most of us would have no problem bringing in a consultant to audit the business in an effort to pinpoint the breakdown and get things running smoothly again.
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Somehow, in our relationships, it seems as though we have a fondness for complaining about the symptoms and we resist getting meaningful help to pinpoint the root of the problem.
Why is that?
Often, it’s because we are afraid, (and sense somewhere in our gut), that the fix isn’t just external, it’s going to start internally.
With that person in the mirror.
Though not always the case, it’s often easier to change things up in business because it isn’t ourselves that we are changing, it’s the business. However, things take on a different feel when the outcomes require us to actually change ourselves.
What if we simply moved past that hang-up and applied our business acumen to our relationships?
You Found It!
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In business, we recognize that we must have good messaging, processes, and products. If something isn’t working, we look for the breakdown among those and do the work to fix it so that we have success. We know that if any one of those is impaired, it’s like trying to sit on a three-legged stool that has a broken leg.
Let’s take a look at these three business factors and apply them to our relationships:
What is my messaging to those I am in relationship with?
- Do I create opportunities to communicate beyond daily logistics?
- Do I encourage what they do well or am I prone to criticize what I don’t like?
- Do my responses make them feel like I hear and understand their needs?
What are my processes for how I show up in my relationships?
- How do I handle their needs and wants?
- How do I make amends when things go wrong?
- How do I care for them in ways that are meaningful to them, not just the way I like it?
What is the product I am delivering in my relationships?
- Is what I am delivering anything anyone, (including myself), would want to receive?
- Do I deliver or am I all talk with a spotty track record of delivering?
- Am I showing up as more of a giver or taker?
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If we take the time to audit these areas of our relationships, (and do so honestly), I am confident that most of us will find areas we can do better and improve our relationships.
Maybe we can apply those business principles after all.
BONUS BUSINESS/RELATIONSHIP TIPS:
- I negotiated many settlements in my previous business career. One of the most effective approaches had nothing to do with what I said, but everything to do with how I positioned myself. When working to build connection and unity, sit next to or at an angle to the other person, NOT across from them. The body language of sitting alongside them inherently implies working together, while sitting directly across from someone can feel oppositional, especially when there is already existing tension in the relationship.)
- If you and your partners or employees aren’t interacting and functioning well together, what is one of the quickest ways to get things clicking again? Often, it’s participating in some sort of team building activity. (Once again, isn’t it strange that what seems so clear in business seems to not occur to us in our personal lives?) If we are not functioning well with our spouse/children/other, why not try some good old-fashioned team building activities? They don’t have to be some sort of crazy trust exercise or stunt. It might be as simple as sitting together over a cup of coffee; going to grab a milkshake together; taking a walk together. The point is creating space away from the grind of the relationship to reset and reconnect.
Colby Richards is known as the “Master Overcomer” in his work coaching men to become better husbands and fathers and speaking to help others overcome life’s challenges. When he and his son were both diagnosed with a rare heart condition, he had a choice to make; let his diagnosis become a life sentence or go all-in achieving his potential and helping others do the same.
Colby’s powerful story of going from a 30-year career, then leaving it all to become an entrepreneur, is both inspiring and challenging. He is praised for his ability to engage the audience with a powerful blend of humor, empathy, insight, and the “what now” that audiences expect today. Discover why Colby’s approach to motivation, purpose, and work is exactly what you need right now.
Contact Information
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colbygrichards/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/colby-richards-7a48874/
Email: colby@colbyrichards.com
Header Image Credit: J carter. Find it here.
