90% of CEOs admit that their biggest fear is failure. And if that’s not scary enough – because at least they made it to CEO, right? – 49% of American adults confess that their fear of failure prevents them from achieving their goals.
In a world where success is seen as the only acceptable outcome, fear of failure can paralyze our every move.
I should know. I was raised by a mother who was unwavering in her expectations and tough love. I still remember my first Latin translation test in high school. The test was merciless, and most of my class failed, while the rest barely passed. I got a 99%. When I called my mother to excitedly tell her about it, she paused and then asked: “Why not 100%?”
So for my whole life I’ve had an incessant need to excel at everything I did, and when I fell short I would just run away.
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When I decided to become an inventor, I anticipated fast results and smooth sailing. But with the first pitches came the first rejections. At first, each of them felt like a blow to my personal worth, and made me want to give up.
But this time I didn’t. I made a promise to myself that I would bring the Bendy Butler to market, and quitting wasn’t an option.
Sometimes life has a way of challenging us to break free from our self-imposed limitations, and I guess it was time for me to learn a few valuable lessons. In retrospect, it almost feels as if these lessons were carefully planted to give me the strength and courage to face the ups and downs of my entrepreneurial journey.
So here is how I conquered my fear of failure:
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With a touch of reason. Following the principles of CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy), I identified and challenged my negative thought patterns. I started to reframe the concept of failure by asking myself: “is it really as bad as I’m making it to be? Is it the end of the world if this particular thing doesn’t go as planned?” Of course, the answer was no. So I went even further and asked myself: could failure actually be a good thing? Failure is necessary for growth and innovation, and there really isn’t a single successful person in the world who hasn’t once failed at something.
With a little bit of self reflection. I really looked inside myself and searched for the roots of my fear. I realized that for most of us, our fear of failure stems from the comments and judgments of the adults around us, which we internalize and accept as our own assumptions. Growing up, our parents and teachers made us believe that our failures were a reflection of our own worth: good kids did well in school and sports, bad kids failed. I’ve had to work on myself a lot to unlearn that assumption. Sara Blakely, the founder of SPANX and one of the most successful self-made businesswomen in the world, shares that her dad would always ask her “What did you fail at today?” and he’d be disappointed if she didn’t fail at anything. This taught her that failure was actually good for her growth, and look where this attitude has led her!
With a little bit of meditation. A big breakthrough for me was when I stopped identifying with the critical voice inside my head. If that voice was just a reflection of those internalised thoughts and assumptions I heard growing up, then it wasn’t the real ME. In meditation, I am able to silence that voice, and to stay mindful and focused on the present moment so I’m not paralized by the thought of what could happen in the future.
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With a touch of love. When I’m scared of failing, or I catch myself thinking that I can’t do something, I ask myself: “would you talk like that to your own child?” I tell my son that he can pursue his dreams, that he can achieve anything he sets his mind to, and that if things don’t go well, he can get back up, knowing I’ll be right there to help him. Many of us didn’t hear those words growing up. So, I encourage you to talk to the child inside you as you would speak to your own child, and let them know that they’ll be ok.
And with a lot of faith. Faith holds a different meaning for each of us. Some may have faith in God, others in the universe, their families, or their own strengths.
In The Alchemist Paulo Coelho writes that “when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
I’m not sure where I stand on that yet, but one thing is certain: regardless of where you decide to put your faith, you will only reach your goals if you really believe that you can. So if you don’t believe in anything else, at least do yourself the favor of having unwavering faith in yourself.
Here is an audio version of the article.
Read by the author, Serena Fadlun.
Serena is an inventor, game designer and entrepreneur. She completed a BHSc in Psychology in Auckland, New Zealand and then returned to her home country (Italy) and worked as a translator for a few years.
In 2020 she became a mother and decided to follow her dream of becoming an inventor. After successfully licensing in the toy and game industry, she decided to bring one of her ideas to market on her own; The Bendy Butler. It will be available in June 2023.
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Header Image Credit: Andrea Piacquadio. Find it here.
