Do you love conflicts and arguments?
I don’t. And I doubt you do.
In fact, I have never heard anyone saying: “I just LOVE arguing” or “I can not wait for the next conflict to arise with my teammates”.
And yet – conflicts and arguments still exist and unfortunately, they damage the culture, atmosphere and relationships within organisations as fast as a forest fire on a hot summer day.
“Olga, how can we resolve our conflicts?” – I am frequently asked this by my regular clients.
And in this article, I will be sharing 5 ways out of 27 how to resolve conflicts and arguments at your workplace (and beyond!).
Changing the Tone of Voice
Typically people argue and dispute at a lot higher voice range than what they use in a normal, day-to-day conversation. And it is very natural to go all the way louder and higher when you want to be heard. Since you feel unheard and ignored, – of course you will do your best to be listened to now.
The reality is that the louder you are in a conflict, the less you will be understood.
Why?
Because other people’s minds will be busy wondering why you are shouting instead of listening to what are you actually saying.
If you are keen to shift the energy during the conflict at work or at home, just start speaking in a little lower voice. Watch how people around you will shift their energy, too – simply because we are naturally good at building rapport and copying each other’s behaviour.
Advertisement
Is your business life FUN – or stressful?
Our Strategies Subscription will help you easily beat the competition, enhance your profits and have more FUN.
Get access to three strategies at no charge by clicking here or on the image below.
Verify What They Have Said
Often we “think” we understand what others have said and what they meant only to realise that we didn’t!
Why?
Because we listen-to-respond more often than we listen-to-understand!
Next time you argue with your colleague (or a spouse at home), try this after they were expressing themselves about something:
Did I understand you well that you are feeling ________ and _________ because of ______________?
Please make sure you fill in the blanks with precise language that your opponent expressed.
Under NO circumstances replace their words with your own as that is exactly what will indicate to them that you have not been listening.
If they used angry, say angry, not frustrated.
If they mentioned annoyed, don’t replace it with “you don’t like it”, just say annoyed.
The same applies to the reasons or situations.
Even when they are angry with you because you are delaying a project – this is not the time to explain yourself. Allow them to express their feelings and frustrations whilst you listen-to-understand.
That will naturally make them feel heard and understood and they will become more collaborative with you when you will be explaining your side of the story.
Advertisement
Is your business life FUN – or stressful?
Our Strategies Subscription will help you easily beat the competition, enhance your profits and have more FUN.
Get access to three strategies at no charge by clicking here or on the image below.
Take a Break
A simple 5-10 min break will allow everyone to cool down and rethink.
You don’t have to come up with a big excuse, just a bathroom mini-break will do.
Don’t try to lie about the reason for a time out or to say that something else is MORE important than this conflict, as that might be taken in a totally wrong way.
A simple excuse to use the bathroom will do the trick as no one really wants to challenge others on their basic human needs. As much as it works in your personal arguments with your partner, it will do the same magic in your corporate conflict situations.
Whilst you are on the break, use a square breathing technique to calm yourself down (even if you think you don’t need it):
- Breathe in whilst counting for 4
- Hold for 4
- Breathe out for 4
- Hold for 4
Repeat this process at least 5 times and watch the difference it will make to your mind and body!
Once you are back, resume the conversation and if possible, start with verification of what they just said (see the next point for that).
Advertisement
Is your business life FUN – or stressful?
Our Strategies Subscription will help you easily beat the competition, enhance your profits and have more FUN.
Get access to three strategies at no charge by clicking here or on the image below.
Stay on the Topic
DO NOT bring any other irrelevant situations, events from the past or anything else that will take you away from the topic.
This is one of the most common mistakes of all arguments: people trying to “punish each other by reminding of how bad they were prior to this”.
The truth is – yes, everyone did something wrong at some point in their lives and careers so if you want to make someone at fault – you will find a reason!
By staying on the point of the issue – you will be able to shorten the time of the conflict and find a solution, instead of going in circles around mini-issues, related to the main problem.
Do Not Interrupt
As simple as that: do not interrupt.
In some cultures, it is quite normal to talk over each other even in daily conversations and yet, conflict is far away from being an “average” situation.
Allowing other people to talk and express themselves freely, without you interrupting them – will naturally help them stay a lot calmer versus when they have to start all over again.
And if you are worried about forgetting what they have said – simply make a few notes as they speak and refer to them when it is your turn to talk.
I am curious to know how much these 5 ways of resolving conflicts at your workplace (and at home) will help you to create a better environment!
Stay tuned, next month I will release my next 5 ways out of 27!
Olga Geidane is a highly engaging, thought-provoking speaker, a powerhouse of inspiration, a catalyst for change, and a champion of self-leadership on a global level. With her infectious energy and unwavering commitment to personal development, Olga has become a sought-after expert on topics ranging from productivity and communication to mindset and influential leadership.
As an event host and facilitator of online and in-person events, Olga has honed her skills in engaging audiences from all corners of the globe. Her ability to connect with people on a personal level, while still delivering powerful messages, is what sets her apart from other speakers and event hosts.
As an award-winning mindset coach for high achievers and C-suite executives worldwide seeking to elevate their leadership skills, Olga is committed to delivering her best expertise and experience every single time! Her unique approach to coaching combines practical tools with a deep understanding of human behaviour, allowing her clients to achieve breakthroughs in both their personal and professional lives.
Header Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto. Find it here.
