This month I am continuing to write about how to resolve conflicts in the workplace (and beyond!).
The first five tips I released last month were:
- Changing the tone of voice.
- Verify what they have said.
- Take a break.
- Stay on the topic.
- Do not interrupt.
You can read about them in detail here.
Why is it important to resolve the conflicts at all?
Because conflicts are like invisible parasites – they destroy the atmosphere at work and the worst part is that things escalate really quickly and often are running in the background, whilst everyone pretends that nothing happened.
Plus, whatever happened at work – we tend to take it all back home. Of course, the same happens with personal arguments and incidents – we tend to take them with us to work, too and we might even be able to switch off eventually, but still, productivity and effectiveness are not the same anymore!
Therefore I am so passionate about conflict resolution as I know they were, are and will exist and it’s up to us to learn how to deal with them effectively to minimise the impact.
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So here are the following 5 tips on conflict resolution at your work and feel free to take these back home, too!
Replacing BUT with AND
Have you noticed how many times people would respond with “yes, BUT…”?
The minute we use this combination of words, the mind of another person gets into defensive mode because of the “but” word used there.
Next time you are in a conflict situation, use “yes, AND” and you will notice a change, instead of defensiveness there will be collaboration. Why? Because the word “and” makes others feel heard and acknowledged, instead of rejected.
Write Things Down
It might sound ridiculous, and a little annoying, but on numerous occasions I witnessed people defusing arguments and conflicts simply because they started making notes of what other person says. And the best part of it is – the conflict turns into a conversation and that helps to rebuild the connection.
Why there is such a transformation?
First, because the other person sees you as really paying attention and that makes them feel important and significant.
Second, writing calms your mind and your state, too. As you write one letter after another, your brain focuses on that instead of the conflict.
And thirdly, this way you will not neglect or forget what exactly was said as you will make a note of that and you can always come back to what was said – without interrupting the other person! I was talking more about the impact of interruption in my previous article on conflict resolution.
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Stop Assuming and Aim to Understand
Very often conflict arises because someone did not follow the “common sense” and others assumed they would. The paradox of common sense is that…it’s not as common!
So next time stop assuming people know and understand things and clarify instead.
Try some of the following phrases to shift the conflict into conversation:
I am sorry I assumed that…
I genuinely didn’t think/didn’t know that…
I apologise for thinking that,…
Or any other words that will feel natural to you with similar meaning will do, too.
It is about demonstrating to another person you are here to understand them and their way of thinking!
Explain Your Intentions
Very often we get mad at others because we assume (again, stop assuming!) that they did something wrong INTENTIONALLY. And whilst it doesn’t make hurt of anger less when you realise it was NOT intentional, it helps to understand the other person.
The same reaction people will have when you are explaining your intentions: others will be able to simply get you. Even if there is no logic at all, saying something like: “I know my behaviour doesn’t make sense and with all honesty, I also find it bizarre that I don’t even have an explanation or a reason for it, but I genuinely had no intention to hurt you/make you feel that way/anything else” – will help you to calm the situation down as seeing someone being honest always reconnects people.
Vulnerability is rare as most people are afraid of it. But that is the real path and the shortest path to people’s hearts!
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Stop Competing Over Who is Right. Start Competing Over Who Will Defuse the Conflict First.
Have you noticed how much desire everyone has to be correct during the arguments?
People often compete without even realising that. It’s a natural reaction for most people and it’s the ego that is driving them. And there is a perception that admitting if you were wrong makes you lose “the war”.
In reality, when you admit you were wrong – you win because you were the first to admit that. Often I see another person admitting they were also wrong right after that.
And that change of behaviour will lead to shifting the energy of the conflict.
What tip out of these 5 was your favourite? Have you used any of these before? Comment below.
I am looking forward to hearing from you if you have tried any of these and watch out for the next article where I will be releasing 5 more tips on conflict resolution.
Olga Geidane is a highly engaging, thought-provoking speaker, a powerhouse of inspiration, a catalyst for change, and a champion of self-leadership on a global level. With her infectious energy and unwavering commitment to personal development, Olga has become a sought-after expert on topics ranging from productivity and communication to mindset and influential leadership.
As an event host and facilitator of online and in-person events, Olga has honed her skills in engaging audiences from all corners of the globe. Her ability to connect with people on a personal level, while still delivering powerful messages, is what sets her apart from other speakers and event hosts.
As an award-winning mindset coach for high achievers and C-suite executives worldwide seeking to elevate their leadership skills, Olga is committed to delivering her best expertise and experience every single time! Her unique approach to coaching combines practical tools with a deep understanding of human behaviour, allowing her clients to achieve breakthroughs in both their personal and professional lives.
Header Image Credit: Ketut Subiyanto. Find it here.
